Choose your own adventure! Post-apocalyptic literature

Begin!

page 1
It is the end of the world due to zombies / killer diseases / mysterious alien abductions. Congratulations, you have made it; you are one of the few left alive! Do you
a. try to reach your family back home in Omaha? (turn to page 6)
b. Move. Keep moving. (turn to page 29)
c. Look after waifs and strays? (turn to page 48)
d. Try to figure out the conspiracy that led to the implosion of the world as you knew it? (turn to page 81)
e. Get and stay as drunk as possible for as long as possible (turn to page 100)

page 4
YOU ARE THE GUARDED BUT GOOD HEARTED MAVERICK AND YOU’LL PROBABLY BE KILLED TRAGICALLY BY AN ACCIDENTAL GUNSHOT WOUND OR SOMETHING. YOU NEEDED A DARKER BACK STORY TO BE KEPT ALIVE. SORRY.
The end.

page 6
YOU’RE DEAD. NO ONE EVER FINDS THEIR FAMILY. THE WORLD IS OVER, IDIOT.
The end.

page 15
You have found out the conspiracy likely involves the Russians. Do you
a. laugh because the Cold War didn’t ever end, did it? (turn to page 92)
b. find a mysterious container ship and sail it to Irkutsk, the name of which you only know about from endless games of ‘Risk’? (turn to page 30)
c. Inform your man in Rio. (turn to page 64)
d. Remain convinced it was actually the French? (turn to page 43)

page 21
He didn’t find you – whew! But you seem to have found a strange creature that looks kind of like a gila monster, but also a wolf. Do you:
a. realise it’s a chupacabra and flee? (turn to page 95)
b. realise it’s a chupacabra and try to speak to it? (turn to page 47)
c. try to pet it? (turn to page 50)
d. freeze? (turn to page 57)

page 26
You reach Mexico City. Your travelling companions want to stop there. Do you:
a. Go for a forage into the suburbs? (turn to page 71)
b. Stop inside a deserted gas station? (turn to page 39)
c. Refuse to stop – urge them to keep moving southwards into Central America? (turn to page 96)
d. Set up a small settlement and in time, try to get the group to elect you as their leader? (turn to page 88)

page 29
YOUR SPIRIT ANIMAL IS THE FOX AND IT WILL BODE YOU WELL IN THE DARK DAYS TO COME. THE MONSTERS ARE OTHER PEOPLE.
The end.

popicpage 30
IRKUTSK IS LANDLOCKED. JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW MANY GAMES OF RISK YOU PROBABLY LOST. BUT HEY MAYBE YOU FIND A NICE RUSSIAN LADY AND GET MARRIED OR WHATEVER GOES FOR MARRIAGE IN THIS POST-NATIONAL-STATE EXISTENCE.
The end.

page 32
HE SHOT YOU. WHY DID YOU BRING A LAMP WITH YOU AND THEN POKE AN ARMED BADDIE? LUCKILY IT IS A LEG WOUND AND YOU MIGHT HAVE EVENTUALLY HEALED, IF YOU HADN’T BEEN CARTED AWAY TO HIS SECRET UNDERGROUND LAIR.
The end.

page 39
THERE ARE ALWAYS ZOMBIES IN DESERTED GAS STATIONS. AT LEAST YOUR BRAINS TASTE NICE.
The end.

page 43
WHO CARES? FRANCE IS ALL UNDERWATER EXCEPT FOR THOSE MOUNTAINS. MAYBE YOU’LL SEE THEM SOMEDAY. UNTIL THEN, THE ENDLESS QUIET SKY.
The end.

page 45
When he comes to, he can’t stop blathering on about ‘the conspiracy. You decide to go on an international post-apocalyptic espionage/detective mission. Cue theme music.
Turn to page 15.

page 47
THIS ISN’T HARRY POTTER AND PARSELTONGUE.
Turn to page 50.

page 48
YOU ARE BOGGED DOWN BY KINDNESS AND PROBABLY DIE OF SOME KIND OF DISEASE YOU CAUGHT OFF A WAIF OR A STRAY.
YOU’RE DEAD. UNLESS THE DISEASE IS THE ZOMBIE VIRUS. IN WHICH CASE, YOU’RE SORT OF DEAD.
The end.

page 50
THE CHUPACABRA LOOKS YOU UP AND DOWN AND THEN EATS YOU.
The end.

page 57
GOOD CALL, BECAUSE CHUPACABRAS ARE KIND OF LIKE T REXES AND IF YOU DON’T MOVE, THEY CAN’T SEE YOU.
IT WANDERS AWAY AND YOU ARE LEFT TO WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO MEET A ZOMBIE DINOSAUR.
The end.

page 64
YOUR CONTACT IN RIO IS DEAD.
Turn to page 66.

Page 66
OH NO WAIT YOUR CONTACT IN RIO WAS ONE OF THE CONSPIRATORS, NOW YOU’RE DEAD.

Page 71
You find a wagon and carry stuff back to the camp. When you get back, your group is being held at gunpoint by a sinister looking man. Do you:
a. poke with the lamp you were carrying for no reason? (turn to page 32)
b. clomp him over the head and when he comes to, ask him questions? (turn to page 45)
c. make some noise to distract him and then hide in some rubble? (turn to page 21)

Page 76
You did have a hangover. Luckily a group of survivors found you, nursed you, and invited you to join them. They’re moving south. Do you
a. Thank sweet baby Jesus for some people and trust them implicitly? (turn to page 26
b. Travel along with them but keep yourself to yourself? (turn to page 4)
c. Join them, but insist on moving north instead? (turn to page 97)
d. Tell them you’d prefer to be on your own? (turn to page 29)

page 81
‘WARE, YOU ARE NOT LIAM NEESON IN TAKEN, CONPSPIRACY-HUNTING MAY NOT BODE WELL.
Turn to page 15

page 88
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF CULT LEADER MEGALOMANIAC? YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE SORT OF PERSON WHO’D WEAR AN EYE PATCH AND BE ALL TOTALITARIAN AND TELL PEOPLE IT WAS JUST FOR THEIR PROTECTION. YOU’LL PROBABLY GET TAKEN OUT BY A GRIMACING ANTI-HERO IN A FEW YEARS, BUT MAYBE SOMEONE WILL TALK SOME SENSE INTO YOU AND YOU CAN LIFE OUT YOUR YEARS IN PEACE, WHITTLING.
The end.

page 92
IT DID END AND IT WAS THE AMERICANS WHO STARTED WORLD WAR THREE YOU IMPERIALIST SWINE.
YOU’RE IN THE GULAG.
The end.

page 95
GOOD CALL. TOO BAD THERE’S NOWHERE TO FLEE TO. YOU BECOME A LONELY NOMAD.
The end.

page 96
HOW FAR IS FAR ENOUGH SOUTH? YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR DAYS TRAVELING BY CARAVAN AROUND THE JUNGLE. IT’S A NICE SORT OF LIFE, YOU SUPPOSE.
The end.

page 97
WHO GOES NORTH AFTER GLOBAL CATACLYSM? HAVEN’T YOU SEEN ‘THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW’? YOU ARE NOT EQUIPPED TO LIVE LIKE A VIKING.
The end.

page 100
SINCE THE WORLD IS OVER IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET A MIDNIGHT KEBAB WITH CHIPS; YOU ARE LIKELY TO HAVE A HANGOVER.
Turn to page 76

 

 

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